June 25, 2024 – Misled Youth

    I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Am I just running away from my life here in Pensacola? I just feel so dead. I'm not even living anymore. I feel as though I'm just going through the motions. I don't even know what to do in life anymore, so why not just go? Sometimes I feel like my mother and father purposefully try to get under my skin. It seems like the best thing to do is just love them from a distance. When I'm around them, they make me angry. As soon as I leave their presence, I feel a relief and a return to some degree of peace. I know they are just trying to teach me a lesson in life about patience and self-control. I wonder if I would be happier as a wanderer, a bicycle hobo, than to stay at my home with my mother and father. I have shelter and food there, and they do provide for me. I just feel as though I should've moved out a long time ago. I need to take on more responsibility and grow as a man. I've lived with them for so long, and I feel stagnant. I know love isn't a feeling, but how we treat others. My parents treat me good in so many ways, but they make me confused in other ways. I'm confused, depressed sometimes, and I am driven to anger sometimes when I live with them. I wonder if I've overstayed my welcome. Are they tired of having me around? Do they want me to move out? I need to talk with them about this. One part of me thinks that it is time to move on; even if I do turn into a bicycle hobo. The other part of me wants to stay because I have so many resources living with them here in Pensacola. My mother cooks a wonderful meal every night, We have a huge shop which I use to work on my car, it's a solid foundation for the Cycles of Hope bicycle ministry, and there are resources in the shop for our family rental business. I'm leaning towards staying there and building upon what my dad has built throughout his career. Why leave home, and leave all these resources behind? Dear Lord, help me on this journey and guide my decisions when I return to Pensacola, amen.